Unfinished Business: When You Cannot Seem to Move On

Have you ever found yourself replaying a moment over and over in your mind — something you wish you had said, or a conversation that never really ended properly?

Maybe it was a breakup. Maybe someone drifted away. Maybe it was a family relationship that never gave you what you needed. Whatever it was, you still think about it. It still tugs at you. And you are not sure why - You are not broken. You are holding something important.

What Is Unfinished Business?

In Gestalt therapy, people sometimes talk about “unfinished business” — unresolved emotional experiences from the past: feelings that didn’t get expressed, needs that weren’t met, or moments that ended without real closure.

Even if it happened years ago, it can still echo in the present. It might show up in your relationships, in how you trust, or in how strongly you react to things — even when you don’t fully understand why.

I don’t believe in digging up the past for the sake of it. But I do notice how the past often shows up in the now. And when something keeps repeating — when an old emotional loop keeps playing — it’s often a sign that something inside is still waiting to be heard.

In therapy, we make space for those parts — not to get stuck there, but to begin releasing what’s been quietly carried.

A Personal Reflection

Unfinished business isn’t just something I’ve studied. It’s something I’ve lived with too.

There have been times in my life when I didn’t get to say what I needed to say. When conversations were left hanging — not because I didn’t care, but because the other person wasn’t really there anymore.

Living with an alcoholic was like that. I was in a relationship where the drink always came first — where I could speak, cry, or fall silent, and it made no real difference. That kind of silence can be deeply lonely. It leaves you questioning yourself. There’s no space for real connection or repair, only a quiet build-up of unspoken pain.

I never got the neat ending I thought I needed. But over time, I found something else — clarity. I began to understand what I needed, what I’d been holding in for far too long, and what it meant to finally give those feelings a voice.

That’s part of what drew me to this work. I know how it feels to live with something unresolved — when you’re trying to move forward but something keeps tugging at you from behind.

I bring that understanding into my work — not to tell you what to do, but to sit beside you, without judgement, while we figure things out together.

When There’s No Clear Ending

Some endings never really happen. People leave suddenly. Or stay physically present but emotionally distant. Sometimes, things just fade — and you’re left wondering what happened.

You might still be carrying:

• Words you didn’t get to say

• Questions that never got answered

• A lingering sense of confusion, anger, or regret

This isn’t about dwelling on the past. It’s about noticing how your body, your emotions, your nervous system — might still be reacting to what’s unfinished.

What Closure Can Really Look Like

We often think of closure as something someone else gives us. But sometimes, that’s not possible.

And even then — you can still find peace. Closure can look like:

• Saying the words in therapy that you never got to say in real life

• Writing a letter (even if it never gets sent)

• Naming the impact that experience had on you

• Letting yourself feel what you didn’t get to feel at the time

It’s not about pretending it didn’t matter. It’s about honouring that it did — so it doesn’t quietly take up space in your present.

How Therapy Might Help

Unfinished business often shows up in therapy before we even realise it’s there. Something happens now — a conversation, a conflict, a reaction — and it stirs something deeper.

Together, we slow it down. We pay attention to what your body is doing. What thoughts are running. What feelings still want a voice.

It’s not about forcing anything. We move gently. And often, with time, the things that felt

stuck begin to soften.

You Deserve Peace — Even Without a Perfect Ending

You don’t have to “move on” in the way the world expects. You can move through it — with care, in your own time, in your own way.

If part of you still feels pulled back by something unresolved, you’re not alone. There is space here for that story, too.