Unfinished Business: When You Cannot Seem to Move On

Have you ever found yourself replaying a moment over and over in your mind—something you wish you had said, or a conversation that never really ended properly?

Maybe it was a breakup. Maybe someone drifted away. Maybe it was a family relationship that never gave you what you needed. Whatever it is, you still think about it. It still pulls on you. And you are not sure why.

You are not broken. You are holding something important.

What Is Unfinished Business?

In Gestalt therapy, unfinished business refers to unresolved emotional experiences from the past—such as feelings that were never expressed, needs that were never met, or situations that did not get closure.

Even if something happened years ago, it can still live on in the body and mind. It might show up in your relationships, in your ability to trust, or in the way you react to certain situations without always knowing why.

As a Gestalt therapist, I do not just ask about the past—I pay attention to what is happening in the present. What is coming up now. Because often, those old experiences find ways to repeat themselves. They leave a kind of emotional loop that keeps playing until something changes.

In therapy, we create space to explore what is still unfinished—not to dig things up for the sake of it, but to free you up to move forward.

A Personal Reflection

For me, unfinished business is not just a theory—it is something I have lived with too.

There were times in my life when I did not get the chance to say what I needed to say. I have experienced what it is like when someone close becomes emotionally unavailable—when conversations do not happen, not because you do not care, but because the other person is not truly there anymore.

Living with an alcoholic was like that. I was in a relationship where the drink came first—where I could speak, cry, or stay silent, and still not be heard. It is a particular kind of loneliness, one that can leave you constantly questioning yourself. There is no space for real connection or repair, just a slow build-up of unspoken pain.

I never got the closure I wanted. But I did get clarity over time—about what I needed, what I had held in for too long, and what it meant to finally give those feelings a voice.

That is part of why I do this work. I understand how it feels when something is left hanging—when you are trying to move forward but something unresolved keeps pulling you back.

I bring that lived experience into the therapy room, not to make it about me, but to meet you in that space with grounded compassion and real understanding.

When There Is No Real Ending

Not all endings are clear-cut. Sometimes people leave suddenly. Sometimes they are still physically here, but emotionally unavailable. Sometimes things just fade out, and we are left wondering what happened.

This can leave you carrying:

• Words you never got to say

• Questions you still do not have answers to

• A sense of confusion or regret

And it is not about 'dwelling on the past./ It is about recognising that your nervous system, your emotions, and your sense of safety can all be affected by things that were left hanging.

What Closure Really Means

We often talk about “closure” like it is something another person gives us. But in reality, that is not always possible.

Sometimes closure means:

• Saying the words in therapy that you never got to say in real life

• Writing a letter (even if you never send it)

• Understanding the impact the experience had on you

• Giving yourself permission to feel what you did not get to feel at the time

It is not about pretending something did not matter. It is about giving it the space and attention it did deserve—so it does not keep taking up space in your present.

How Therapy Can Help

Unfinished business often shows up in therapy without us even looking for it. Something happens in your life now, and it touches an old wound. You find yourself reacting more strongly than you expected. Or shutting down without knowing why.

In our work together, we slow things down and pay attention to those reactions. We notice what your body does, what your thoughts tell you, and what feelings are still waiting to be heard.

We do not force anything. But over time, those stuck places can soften.

If you are struggling to let go of something—or if you feel like a part of you is still waiting for answers—I want you to know you are not alone.

You Deserve Peace, Even If You Did Not Get Closure

You do not have to 'move on' in the way the world tells you to. You can move through it—with care, at your own pace.

If this resonates and you would like support working through something that still feels unfinished, I am here.